ajek 22nd birthday celebration. which was surprise (: 09/05/2011
happy birthday, abang ajek. i bought his cake, naruto! HEHE. mwa.

I don’t feel like me anymore. I cant remember exactly what me is anymore, im always worrying and i dont want to do wrong by anyone! I will start putting myself first but only if it doesnt hurt anyone, even if they deserve it :S Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they dont, you know where you stand. Its strange how easy it is to get over someone you thought you liked. It’s almost as easy as it was to fall for them in the first place. It makes life so much simpler, but it won’t be long before someone else comes along that makes you feel ‘like that’ *sighs!

If I could start my life over again there are so many thing I’d change. So many times I’ve disappointed so many people over the years and done wrong by so many. I’ve taken so many wrong choices and fought with so many people that didn’t deserve it, and some that did. I know that I can never change past choices and what it has lead to but I know that it will make me think more about decisions that I am going to make. It will make me think more about what I do have; an amazing family, fantastic friends (well when they’re not bullying me) and I am at an awesome job (KIDDING!). Although an awful lot of things could be better I am very happy with what I have. (:

It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. I don't necessarily want to be happy. I just want to stop feeling miserable. You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been and wonder who you really are. im facing it now. It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world want's something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't? There's no excuse for the need to take your own life away, everyone passes through some rough obstacles if life, just face them as they come along, there's always a way to overcome those obstacles, and learn from your experiences. I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same. then we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time. But now, thing aren't the same. Each of us have gone our different ways. We change, people change, things just change, and we aren't those crazy teenagers looking for a wild time anymore. We're teenagers looking for a person to love and a person to hug when we're in need. well, the conclusion is i changed. to be a better person. perhaps, im a bad girl before thats why someone leaving me. like, ok! haha. apa saja kan tu. well, i changed. and now ive been busy with working and try not to think about the sadness. what sadness? haha. apa apa apa? nadalah (: aku ok. I used to have many faults, not I have only two - everything I say and everything I do...




I certainly didn't tell anyone. I didn't advertise that I was doing this and that. aku simpan sajeeeeeeeeeee. bah sudah lah, i tidur now. good bye.

mayday parade-Three Cheers For Five Years :
I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
To late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember now
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to
I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
To late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember now
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to



teluka banarnya.

barang paling ku suka. dari damit :P SNOW GLOBE!

i cant do this. people's expectations and just the constant drama and bullshit going on in the world. i let myself not be apart of it, i try to avoid it...because i was around it for too long. but you really can never get away from it. dont tell me that i stress too much, or that im too hard on myself or i grew up too quickly or too kind hearted. it shouldnt be like that. let me be me. let me deal with it. if you want to be there for me, you will. dont go out snd make me feel guilty for not calling or messaging, when half of the things you did, envolved me to feel like this. i try so hard to fix everything. but ah, hard to talk these days! not only friend, family. just seems to be evrything. you can never please everyone, you do something. one person is bothered by it, you do another and its the same thing, every single time. i want out of this cicle. i've been beaten down time and time. people will dissapoint me even the one who i least expect it from. it shouldnt be this way. act cool hurt me!

Every Girls Dream..
Getting kissed in the pouring rain. Have that one hot kiss where your pressed against the wall. to Have a guy that thinks you're the world. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs. A guy that whispers he loves you in your ear. Have that moment where you just gaze into each others eyes. When you cry, he kisses your tears away. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about. Wearing his jacket and every time you breath in his scent surrounds you. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get. A guy who squeezes your hand. A guy that says he loves you and means it. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window. A guy who is loyal. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy. A guy that will never judge you for how you look. A guy that says cheesy stuff to you just to make u smile . A guy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends. A guy that tells you everything honestly. A guy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family. A guy that will always let you win. A guy who stands up for you no matter who he is against. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been. A guy who tells you that your smile makes everything better. A guy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet. A guy who you can hangout and have fun with. A guy that will just randomly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you.
A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance.A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up.A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a crap and would still tell you that you are amazing to him. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries/troubles away. A guy who tells you you make his day better, just for being you. A guy that's not just trying to get in your pants.

i found this on a website. well, i dont know whether this is true or not. i mean about the girls dream ah, lol. this is so embrassing :P

Im not good at future planning. I dont plan at all. I dont know what Im doing tomorrow. I dont have a day planner and I dont have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future.

Dear nuramalianah haji salleh,

You were there for me for so many years making me laugh while i was in tears. I will never let anyone take your place, cause you're one of the best friend i've got. You laugh at my stupid jokes, put up with my worst moods, go along with my crazy ideas and you still manage to see the best in me. so, please talk to me again. im waiting for you.

she's never been one to wait around.
she's always moving and dancing and running.
but for some reason, with him,
she's patient. she'll wait.
she'll wait for nobody, and nothing else,
except him.

i don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. how pictures never change but the people in them do. how your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. how forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. how you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. how even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. how the people you once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. how people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. how people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.

18th January, 2010.
happy 21st birthday to Amee Nasir.

well, aku buat birthday surprise for him on 17midnight. at nbk :D to be specific i choose that place pasal place our first meet (: thanks to them zaim. them paii. hee. ia ni berakal ni, i mean si amee. hehe. (Y) aku sayang kan kau, k.

photos will be upload soon.
photos will be upload soon.
photos will be upload soon.
photos will be upload soon.
photos will be upload soon.

aku bawa ride time tu. seharian aku driving. dari awal pagi. and kami sampai rumah 3plus. dawn. lol.

this is real. this is me. this is exactly who im suposed to be. remember that girl? the one who gave you everything. yeah, and remember when you gave it all up. damn how she cried. ofcourse you remember her broken heart. you know that girl who smiles everyday walks down the street and is actually happy the one who just loves life and lives every second like it was her last. WAIT! you say you dont know this happy girl? she was the same one who cried, poured her heart out to you gave it her all and it still never crossed your mind how much you hurt her. but now shes happy, loving life, because she leaving everything to the fact. I thought i had on person in my life that i could turn to when i was upset or just bored but i guess i was wrong. I should of known better. People leave your life eventually even as much as you dont want them to..... But thinking back on it now, I wish you nothing but the best to you. I think you deserve a punishment from what you did to me, but noone deserves what i went through. i actually want better for you & despite everything we've been through, despite the heardache that followed every fight, and the nights spent sleepless talking to each other every night. I hope you'll still be able to mention me with a smile.i realised people change, come and go. you shouldnt look for the right person. let them come to you. dont waste your time waiting for something or someone who isnt going to come. make your own choices, take risks but dont let them damage you. be strong, love, and have fun because "tommorow" is just an excuse to put off to the inmaginable today.

much love, Afiqah Rahman B.

DEAR BLOGGER,

i didnt put a high hopes on him. because, i keep in my heart ''the higher you fly, the harder you fall'' EVEN, its gonna be the last time i fall for someone. i promised it to myself. (:

till here.
AFIQAH RAHMAN B.

this is a special post that i copy and paste from azee's blog (: well, i read this post few days after my birthday and at that time i was fucked up. i cried while read this post. azee, kau hamster ku. be strong! kaka disini lai. hahah.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AFIQAH RAHMAN BEE♥

Whatever we have been through, be it good or bad, You are such a good friend and such a sweetheart. Thanks for being patient with me (my temper), thanks for trying your best to control me but it failed. Haha :P Thanks for making me happy in any way. Thanks for being a good friend who can entertain my craps. Thanks for helping me about this and that, thanks for being there for me when I need someone, thanks for understanding me, thanks for treating me this & that. Most importantly, thanks for being a true friend to me! I love you oh so much. Really, even tho I don't quite say it but deep in my heart there's always you Aria, Emily(Haziqah Rahman), Spencer(Aqilah Rahim), Jenna(Bazy), Fyee, Pelik and also of course you know who. HAHAHA. I know I talk a lot, I write a lot and I also type a lot. I LOVE IT WHEN IT COMES TO SPEECHES! Okay ARB, I shall stop here, because kan I have said a lot. Lastly this is very important for you to know & remember forever & ever :D With love, Hanna J ♥

GOSH, I MISS SCHOOL!

Everyone has a story. Someone always has it better, but yet someone always has it worse. Just share your story and let the world know, no one is alone.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good if what is not won't. Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for.

I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn’t mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways.

here begins a new life.

well, happy new year. it's a new year. time for new beginnings, and better things. i know its kinda late. blurgh! i didnt get a chance to do this. i mean, blogging. its all up to my mood. hehe. its two thousands fucking eleven yeah? wish it could be better than two thousands fucking ten. amm. new year deep. but ah, i check-in with friends. and 1/1/2011, polo club :D no partner. HAHA. its ok. january ends, and welcome february. too early :P

my life going well. i stayed at home and jarang jalan dah :P planningnya, kalau weekend saja boleh aher balik. hahah. tapi jalan jalan ok lah. entah eh. yang penting, berubah demi kebaikkan lah masani. jara :DD ngalih dah ku kan playing around ani. banartah. kan serious ku dalam hidup ku and inda ku mau let my mom down lagi. ok? walaupun ''mana peduli masani'' hahah. chala plang!

im moving towards the end of the month, so that's exciting. So far, 2010 has been really good and sucks :P i am determined to make this one of the best years of my life.

GOODBYE 2000 FUCKING 10.

HELLO PEOPLE!
im at thye's right now. with shur, azee and gkah. while waiting for Jim&azee dating :-P ah no, im kidding. im watching justinbieber video now with shur. them gkah go s.o WELL! aku inda paham wah. apakan. justin bieber ada story kah? i mean, movie? someone please figure it out for me like ASAP! like ALERT! hahah. gila ku ni krg. aku lihat you tube seems like ia ada movie eh. in 3D lagi tu. inda ku paham eh. cuba figure out ): haha.






well, i miss amee nasir (-: ia di menglait. haha. bah sudah. bye, im home now. goodgirl is on :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SHUT THE FUCK UP!

this is on 12/12/2010. at cousin's place. birthday celebrations for amal, syimah, intan and siapa ah. aku lupa :s banar. bukan niat ku. tapi banar, aku lupa. berabis jua lah lupa ku ani.

a vacation to MiriOHLALALA! 11/12/2010. baru tah kan update ni aku ah. (-: aku, azee, baze and azwan. i miss miri. roadtrip (y).